It's been a long while since I have written anything in this blog. The last post I see was from April 20. This is not surprising to me. It follows a habitual pattern that I have had now for many years in my struggles. Like many others, I get very motivated at the start of a new year. I'm going to make big changes, lose weight, eat better, exercise, etc. I do pretty well during the winter months and start of spring. Then summer comes along and it all goes to shit. The weather turns nice. There are more social events which means more eating out and going to bars and street festivals. There are vacations. All of my discipline goes right out the door and before you know it, I'm back to the weight I started at at the top of the year and nothing has changed. If you went back and look at my diary entries towards the end of August, many of them are very focused on the weight I have gained back and how I'm disappointed in myself.
While this year had similar themes to past years, there have been a few big differences. For one, I have continued to go to life coaching sessions which have been extremely helpful in getting me back on track. The other big change was I started to meditate. I have now been meditating almost on a daily basis for close to two months. I do it first thing in the morning when I wake up and it's the last thing I do before going to bed at night. I found an app that I use called "Simple Habit". It's an app that guides you through a variety of different meditations. I started with a series that was basically a starters kit for beginners. Then as I started exploring the app more, I saw that there were meditations to help with sleep, anxiety, self-confidence, urges, eating, and many more. Most of the sessions are short (about five minutes), other sessions are longer, and some you can choose what length you want. I find that I will do several back to back in the morning and evening to fit whatever I feel I need focus on. They also have unguided meditations and I have now begun using a one that is just a timer. You set the time and a chime tells you when to begin and when to end.
I have already started to notice some changes within me as a result of this practice. I am more present. This has helped to calm a lot of my anxiety. When I do feel anxious, I can come back to focusing on my breath and what is here and now rather than what may happen down the road. Meditation is kind of like re-wiring the brain. There is a lot of focus on gratitude. One recommendation is to keep a gratitude journal. I have tried doing this before for shorter periods of time, but I think I will go back to it. I also appreciate that there isn't a lot of pressure to be perfect. There is no judgement of any kind. As they instruct you to focus on your breath, they will say if you notice a thought pulling you away from being present on the breath, just acknowledge that thought without judging it, and let it pass. They acknowledge that our brains have a predisposition to focus on the negative. It takes practice to not allow those thoughts to overwhelm us.
I still have a very long way to go on my journey, but I am hoping that meditating will help me get there. Recently, I have become aware of other patterns throughout my day. There are certain times of the day that are more difficult for me than others. Late afternoons tend to be a very challenging time. Usually between the hours of 2 and 5 p.m. I feel unfocused, lethargic, and cravings start to pop up. I am now trying to use meditations to help me get through these hours in a more productive way and to get back on track.
One of the meditations I did this morning was about taking the first step. In it, the instructor talks about getting that feeling that you want to make a change and going big right away. (I have experienced this a lot with diets.) Then, after a few weeks go by, losing that motivation and having it become easier and easier to talk yourself out of making that change. He talks about starting small. For example, instead of saying you are going to start going to the gym every day, just start by getting up every morning and putting on your work out clothes for a week. Then, take it to the next step. Baby steps is a much more effective way to establish new patterns and habits than making big grand gestures all at once. I have done that with these meditations. I started small. I would do one five minute meditation a day. Now, I'm up to doing anywhere from 30-60 minutes a day and I'm actually wanting to do them. I look forward to it. If I can apply that same strategy to exercise, I hope that I can begin to make a change there as well.
Summer is now over, but autumn brings about its own set of challenges. There are many holidays in the fall which make it easy to go off track. I'm hoping that through meditations I'm laying the framework to have a more successful fall than I have had in the past. At least I feel different heading into this fall than I have in the past.
