Today is April 9th. It was supposed to be opening day for the Cubs, but the game was postponed due to the fact that it snowed. Winter seems to be hanging around.
Tomorrow will be 100 days since I decided to begin this new journey of self-improvement. I do have a lot to be happy about, but, like the current weather, I have hit a moment of stagnation. Nothing much has moved forward as of late. I went on a vacation for a week. That put things on hold. If I'm being honest though, I was hitting a point of stagnation before vacation started. I've been slipping into old patterns. This is not unusual for me around this time of the year. I feel super motivated as of the new year and then right around the time spring is about to come, I lose interest.
I'm not saying that I have lost interest. Quite the contrary. I want and need this change to happen. My weight is always a good gauge with how I'm doing. It is very telling that I really haven't lost any weight since February 20. That is well over a month. Yes, I've gone up and down a bit over the past month, but on the whole, I've maintained. I haven't lost anything. That means that I haven't been sticking with the plan. I've gotten lazy. If I start counting my points with Weight Watchers, I lose interest as the week progresses and soon decide not to log everything I'm eating. Thankfully, I have tried to keep up with exercise, otherwise, I probably would have gained back everything I had lost.
Weight is the direct result of me not feeling very satisfied. I eat because it's something I enjoy. I try to reward myself because I'm not being fulfilled in other ways. Yet, the heavier I get, the more depressed I feel which makes change very difficult to achieve.
I realize that this post sounds depressing. I'm just being honest about where I'm at right now. That said, I have a lot to celebrate. I have made some changes this year and they are changes I'm happy with. I just can't let this fire burn out.
Every year, I seem to light a fire saying that I'm going to get healthier, save money, find a more creative job. Every year, around this time, that fire extinguishes because I haven't given it enough care. Over the past month, that fire has gotten pretty low. It's just burning embers right now. I need to add some more wood and fan the flames to get that fire burning brightly again. Otherwise, this year will just go up in smoke as it has in previous years.
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